Until We Find Our Rest

St. Augustine, one of the giants of Christian faith, once prayed, "Our hearts are restless, until they find rest in Thee."

I can relate.

Restless.

After two weeks of active sabbatical-ing, we've mostly been home for the last three weeks. Resting. Reading. Reflecting. It's good work for a sabbatical.

I can't say that I much like it.

Amy said yesterday that she, too, was feeling a bit restless. "These weeks have been hard," she noted. We passed by the church yesterday morning at 11:00 am, and it was good to see a few cars there(!), as we drove to Friendship Missionary Baptist for their 11:30 am service. Weird. Restless.

When we arrived, I had another momentary experience of that "Deep," tugging at my emotion -- JUST WALKING IN. The beauty of that sanctuary, the vaulted ceiling, the mahogany facade, the pipes of that glorious organ, the splendid color of the stained glass, which tells the story of Christian liberation on one side, and African-American slavery-to-freedom on the other... I enjoyed the nearly two-hours we experienced there, but I didn't need nearly that long -- for that moment, "just showing up" (a hint at Amy's last blog post), was Worship in itself.

Last night we had a wonderful conversation with our boys about church... and baseball! It never seems to end for us, this conversation about our commitments. We're already talking about fall teams, and playing options, most of which (ok, all of which!) involve some Sunday time on the diamond. The bottom line for us, and I think our boys understand this, is that church is about the community of fellowship we experience -- and are missing now -- not about some legalistic/moralistic obligation to please God, or to ease our consciences. When they're playing baseball on a Sunday, it's not so much that God is disappointed, as that they are missing time with their family of faith. And the more time we miss with you, the more restless we feel.

I think that will end, come Friday... not because we'll stop missing you, but because we will leave for our second Pilgrimage, and for the next three-and-a-half weeks, I think we'll be too busy to be anything near restless! Cooperstown, NY for a week of non-stop baseball action... London for three days... Paris for three more... Madrid, en route to our 62-mile Camino pilgrimage... an extra day in Santiago... and then home.

So I'm looking forward to hitting the road again -- and hoping this restlessness is not an indication of some failed spirituality (are our hearts not at rest, I'm asking, because they are just not at rest with God, or do some hearts actually "rest" better "on the run"?)

Running from this restlessness...

r